


It All Happens for a Reason...Right?

by You6Are6All6Sheep



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Cheating, F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I'm not even sure what to put here, Insecurity, M/M, Poor Jason - Freeform, Sorry! I do actually really like Roy, Story has been edited so hopefully it reads better, Ugh, Un-diagnosed bi-polar, Warning- Possible Triggers, mental issues, trash, voices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 12:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4828793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/You6Are6All6Sheep/pseuds/You6Are6All6Sheep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Insecure Jason, being insecure (A bit to the Extreme). Though when you have voices to back up the feelings what's a guy to do? Sometimes all it takes is one phone call to ruin your whole day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It All Happens for a Reason...Right?

**Author's Note:**

> So miracles do happen! My first A03 post and read at your own risk! This was highly inspired by "Here's to us" and "I Miss the Misery" both by Halestorm also "Whatchya Say" by Jason DeRulo how I got this shit storm out of those three songs is anybody's guess, but It would not leave me alone. So here I am at 0330 presenting this to the world! Just to throw it out there I actually really do like Roy, I swear! Also this is only edited by me and not very well. As a beginningish writer I would love any critiques or constructive criticism you guys are willing to give. So without further ado...  
> (This story has been edited to hopefully read better, nothing in the story itself was changed)

“All good things must come to an end” that was the saying right? Jason told himself that he shouldn’t be surprised. He told himself that he should have known it wasn’t going to last. He wasn’t good enough, never was, never will be. He had tried to convince himself otherwise; he told himself that he was allowed to be happy despite what everything else was telling him. A year ago Roy had taken Jason’s hands in his own, and looked him in the eye and gave Jason the mantra he used to get through all the hard times he had, had since then. He had come so close to actually believing it.  
“You are worth it Jaybird, you’re worth it all and more. Trust me.” Roy’s face had been so open and honest when he had looked at Jason with his too green eyes and shy smile. It only made Jason smile again as he remembered that night, a smile that left as quickly as it had come. Jason had known then just as he knew now, that Roy was only fooling himself. It was a nice lie to live while it had lasted, and Roy must have finally realized that as well. 

He must have realized that Jason really wasn’t worth it; he wasn’t worth the sleepless nights as nightmares plagued him time after time. He wasn’t worth the exhaustion his un-diagnosed bi-polar disorder caused by the Lazarus Pit put on their relationship. If you asked Jason he would tell you all of this, but he had pushed that all to the back of his mind and tried to make sure it was all minimal. He did his damndest to make sure he could live up to Roy’s beliefs. Deep down though Jason knew he was a failure. He had failed to keep both his mothers alive, he had failed as Robin. He was brought back to life and given a second chance and he failed at that as well. He had trained for years after he found out that Bruce had not killed The Joker on his behalf. Ultimate end goal- get Bruce to kill Joker, he had failed at that, he had failed to kill Bruce and to top it all off; Jason had failed to kill the damn clown himself. Yup, biggest fucking failure he had ever known. 

Still through all of that he had tried with Roy; tried to be better than his failures. Better than his self proclaimed worthlessness; all because Roy believed that he wasn’t worthless, that somehow Jason was worth the effort. Roy had all the confidence in the world in Jason. So Jason fed off all the confidence and affection the red head was willing to give him. It worked too; it worked for just over a year. It worked up until today; it had worked up until Roy left on a quick trip to get some eggs that they both had forgotten the day before. It worked up until Roy had forgotten his phone when he left, which was typical Roy, the man would forget his head if it were not attached to his shoulders. It had worked up until Roy’s phone rang, and Jason answered it. 

“I’m pregnant” should not be the first words one yells into the receiver end of a phone of this Jason was pretty damn sure. He crinkled his brow in confusion. “Excuse me, what?”Was all he managed to choke back across the line.  
“Pregnant Roy, that’s what I said don’t, make me repeat myself.” The female voice, as Jason was now sure it was a female on the other end of the line all but chastised him. ‘Pregnant’ Jason was so confused, and he didn’t much appreciate being yelled at by some chick on the phone especially when she thought he was Roy.

“Look here lady, I don’t know what you are talking about or who you ar-“Jason was cut off mid sentence “Don’t play fucking coy with me Roy, you know exactly what I’m talking about. We knew this was a possibility, when we started seeing each other. You said you were okay with it; don’t tell me you’re a fucking liar? You don’t get to back out on this Roy, I will hunt you down.” She finished and all Jason could manage to do was stand there phone held to his ear trying to decide if this was someone’s terrible idea of a prank. Or she had the wrong number right? There were a lot of Roy’s in the world wasn’t there? Jason wanted to be pissed at this woman for calling and throwing around such huge accusations? News? He wasn’t really sure what to call it; all he knew was that it wasn’t right. SHE had no right calling up anybody the way she had. That wasn’t information you just threw at someone especially over the phone, which is why this wasn’t real and that angered Jason that someone would be that inconsiderate. This had to be a prank that was all there was to it, Jason was pretty damn sure of it now and he could feel the hairs standing up on the back of his neck like they did when he got angry.

“Roy Harper, do not ignore me, I am not in the mood for your special brand of idiocy.” When she said Roy’s full name all of Jason’s anger dissipated and his mind went blank. “This isn’t Roy.” He found himself saying though not really sure how. He heard a big intake of breath on the other end, heard it released into an equally big sigh. “Well, tell him Jade called.” Her voice clipped and void of the emotion it had held earlier. The call was abruptly ended with a beep. Jason pulled the phone from his ear and stared at it in hopes that it would tell him what he needed to know about the one sided conversation that had just occurred.  
Still staring at the phone Jason went and sat on the couch he and Roy had picked out together when they had first moved back to Gotham. It was simple and easy to clean a huge plus with the lives they lived. That wom-Jade, Jason corrected himself, what was her angle? What was her reason for calling Roy with news like that? News that couldn’t possibly be true Roy and Jason were in a relationship…right? Of course they were, and exclusive one at that. At least he thought they had been, though it really never had been specified.

He leaned forward so that his elbows were resting on his knees, still holding the phone in his hands. If he was so sure that this was a hoax then why did he feel the need to analyze this? ‘Because you’re an insecure piece of shit?’ his mind supplied for him. Jason shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, No he was not going down that road. ‘Really? You said it yourself; no one in their right mind would make a phone call like that. So there must be something behind it.’ Jason scoffed at his mind, people made prank calls all the time. ‘Yeah, but not everyone is as worthless as you either. Honestly it was only a matter of time before he found some-‘. 

“No!” he tried yelling, but had clenched his teeth, gripping his hair with both hands phone still in one making his hold a bit awkward; not that he noticed. This wasn’t the first time he had this disembodied voice talk to him. A voice, which sounded like a strange mix of himself and the insufferable clown. It usually only made an appearance when Jason was really stressed out, this was a bit unusual. He tried pushing it away, burying it in the back of his mind, taking some deeper breathes using some of the breathing exercises he had learned throughout his travels. Damn, he needed a cigarette, no not needed- wanted, he wanted a cigarette something fierce. This phone call was really fucking with him and he really wasn’t sure why. 

“This is ridiculous” he thought to himself as he stood up and walked back into the small kitchen, he needed to continue on with breakfast so that things were ready for when Roy returned with the eggs. ‘What’s ridiculous is you not accepting this for what it really is.’ The voice was back a low growl in the back of his mind. ‘He finally got tired of your whiny, worthless over aggressive pathetic excuse for a human being self and went and found himself someone new.’ That had Jason stopping his doings to argue “No, that-that isn’t true I’ve been making an effort to be better. I HAVE done better!” ‘Is that why you are arguing with yourself?’ Jason glowered ‘No, you are arguing with yourself cause once again and I have to agree with Jade on this I do so hate repeating myself… our self? Either way you’re a piece of shit. You know this and he knows this, he deserves better than you. He was already a mess all by himself, then you and your fucking shopping mall of problem just somehow waltzes into his life. We are pretty sure he has only stayed out of pity aren’t we?’ 

“No, he loves us and we are worth it. He said so, he said we could trust him and he has yet to let us down.” That much was true, while they both still had their trust issues; over the past year they had come to at least trust each other. It had been hard for the both of them; they had been able to do it though despite everything they had both been through. At least Jason had learned to trust Roy and Roy trusted him as well. ‘Has he actually ever told you that? Has he ever looked at you and said “Jason I trust you.”’ Jason wanted to say yes immediately and without hesitation…but he couldn’t. ‘Yeah exactly, now just accept the fact that it’s over, the faster you do that the faster we can get on with our lives.’ Jason didn’t want to accept this though, because it wasn’t true, there was no way it could be true. “You are worth it Jaybird, you’re worth it all and more. Trust me” Jason repeated this to himself, this one sentence that had kept him together when he felt like falling apart.

Having stopped all food preparation Jason grabbed Roy’s phone again and went to their bedroom. When he had wanted a cigarette earlier, he knew he could tamp the urge down and resist it. He hadn’t smoked in almost nine months; he also hadn’t drunk in almost a year either both out of consideration for Roy’s fight with sobriety. With them supporting each other they had both come out ahead. Roy hadn’t touched a drink in over a year and a half and Jason hadn’t smoked since a few months after getting together with Roy. He however had never thrown away his last pack. He had wanted them as a reminder of something he hadn’t failed to do. ‘Ah, but look at you now searching for a fix like your druggie mother. You know you’re not any better than them.’ Jason crushed the pack in his hand having found them in his top drawer where they always were. “Don’t” he growled taking himself, the cigarettes and phone all back to the couch. ‘Don’t what? Tell you the truth you refuse to see? Tell you that you should have stayed dead, and then you wouldn’t be having this self depreciating conversation with yourself?’ He put one of the only half destroyed cigarettes between his lips throwing the rest of the pack on the ground. “You are worth it Jaybird, you’re worth it all and more. Trust me. You are worth it Jaybird, you’re worth it all and more. Trust me. You are worth it Jaybird, you’re worth it all and more. Trust me.” Jason was doing his utmost to ignore the voice in his head. How in the hell had a phone call gotten him to this point? “Stop thinking that’s what got you to this point.” He told himself.

He stared at a point on the wall in front of him, trying to get his mind back under his own control. Trying to make some sense of what was going on at this point, he knew he was being ridiculous and that this… panic attack? Is that what you’d call this? No, he wasn’t having issues breathing and that was part of a panic attack wasn’t it? He should know this, ‘you should know a lot of things Jaybird, like when to let go’ the voice had taken on Roy’s inflections. With his inner war going on Jason hadn’t noticed the door opening or Roy announcing his presence. He didn’t notice Roy walking through the entry way into the living room; he didn’t notice him kneeling next to him. He hadn’t even realized that he was still chanting his mantra over and over again like a stuck record. It took Roy taking him by the shoulders and roughly shaking him for Jason to leave that temporary prison that was his mind. He stared up at Roy. Gorgeous, loveable Roy who had put up with him for far longer than any sane person ever should have. Jason wanted to thank him, wanted to tell him that he loved him for all the shit he had put up with. He wanted to let him know how grateful he was that Roy stood by him through all of his faults without wavering. He even opened his mouth to do so, though what came out was none of the above.

“When were you going to tell me?” Jason blinked and cocked his head to the side surprised at the words that had actually come out of his mouth.  
“Tell you what Jay? What was I supposed to tell you?” Roy asked with a bit of hesitation in his voice. After all coming back to find your boyfriend having some sort of freak out in the living room when he had been just fine when you left, was a little worrying`. Roy gently took the raggedy half cigarette from Jason’s lips and set it off to the side.  
“Come on Jay, what am I supposed to tell you.” Roy encouraged, trying to bring Jason back from whatever far away land his mind had travelled to. This was new Jason had, had emotional switches and nightmares before, but never meltdowns. At least that is what Roy was going to classify this as. He waited another minute for Jason to answer. When Jason swallowed and finally looked at him, his eyes were the saddest that Roy had ever seen them.

Jason was beyond thinking anymore, in such a short time he had drained himself emotionally, physically if the difficulty he had holding himself in a simply sitting position was any indication. All over a phone call that probably meant nothing. Why did he do this to himself? He heard Roy talk to him again and this time his brain processed the words that were said to him. He swallowed, his mouth suddenly a lot drier than he remembered it being, he looked Roy in the eye.  
“That you’re leaving me.” He said it with such certainty, though he had no idea where that had come from either. He tried to keep his surprise at the statement he had just uttered to himself and watched Roy for his reaction. Roy did not disappoint. He looked as surprised as Jason felt.  
“Where the hell is this coming from Jaybird? I was only gone for forty five minutes and when I left everything was fine. I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about!” Roy’s surprise turned to irritation.  
“Seriously Jay, where did you get that idea from?” Roy’s green eyes stared into Jason’s blue ones as though he would magically develop the ability to read his mind. Jason ducked his head looking to his hands not able to take the red heads stare. His certainty was starting to turn into shame. Then he noticed Roy’s phone in his hand and he remembered why they were in this position in the first place. He looked back at Roy and held his phone out to him.

“Oh right, Congratulations.” Jason smiled at Roy, a forced smile that looked more like he had just eaten a lemon. Roy took his phone giving Jason a look that said I have no idea what you are talking about, please start explaining something to me so that I can be on the same page. Roy felt so lost at the moment, his boyfriend just had a melt down and was now not speaking coherently sure maybe he was forming sentences but none of it was making any sense what-so-ever. He reached out to take Jason’s hand in his own only to have Jason pull away.

“Jay, seriously talk to me man. You’re starting to freak me out.” Roy’s voice showing a bit of panic. Jason could only look at the ginger haired man before him. The voice was right Roy didn’t need him in his life fucking things up any more than he already had, especially if he had a kid on the way. What kind of person would he be if he stayed around and imposed his fuckedupedness on an innocent. No, that wasn’t right. He would leave just like Roy was going to tell him to do anyway. ‘Finally, you got the message ya fucking dunce. Now get up and let’s go no need to waste anymore of his time.’ Jason stood up a bit abruptly so that he wavered slightly. Roy was there though to steady him, good guy Roy. Jason smiled at him again it was small but genuine this time.  
Jason cupped Roy’s cheek with one hand “It’s okay Roy I understand, I told you in the beginning that I wasn’t worth the trouble. I knew that you would realize it someday. I knew this was coming, ‘If you love something let it go’?” He turned away from Roy and made his way over to the coat closet opening and pulling out a black duffel bag. Both he and Roy had one, emergency bug out bags in case they ever had to up and leave at a moment’s notice. He didn’t even bother to unzip and look inside; he just threw it over his shoulder and turned again to face Roy who couldn’t look more confused.  
“’All good things must come to an end’ Thank you for everything Roy.” Jason opened the front door, another part of his brain yelling at him that this wasn’t right that, they should be sitting down and talking about this. That part was faint though, and muffled as though it was behind a thick wall. He shook his head again and took a step so that he was just passed the door jamb before he stopped remember to pass on the message.

“Right I almost forgot Jade called, it sounded important.” He had his back turned so Jason missed Roy’s confusion turn to shock and then to realization. “SHIT!” he heard Roy exclaim through the now closed door of what used to be their apartment. The loud exclamation actually had Jason hesitating for just a moment, but it wasn’t enough to stop him from what he felt he needed to do right now. Jason hit the street and started walking, to where he really hadn’t a clue at that moment just that he needed to keep walking. Things would work out right? When they were meant to? ‘For Us? That’s laughable; remember you are a failure at everything you do. Nothing is going to work out for Us, and by Us we certainly mean you. Worthless people do worthless things and end up in worthless places. You know like your dad, and we don’t mean Batman. It’s in your genes to be a worthless screw up. You can’t get away from it so don-‘ Jason bit down on his tongue until he could taste the metallic tang that was blood, effectively shutting the voice up for the moment. And that was all Jason needed was a moment.

“You are worth it Jaybird, you’re worth it all and more. Trust me”


End file.
